Dumb People

Here’s the thing.  If you are driving down the road and notice that someone has the door of their car open, there is no need for you to lean on your horn.  Especially when the whole other lane is wide open.  All you have to do is turn your wheel a little bit and take that lane around the 2 feet that you can not pass.  And while you are just leaning on your horn and cursing at the person (me) that has the door open, please realize that it is not going to help.  As a matter of fact it makes the person who has to close the door go slower.  Maybe even go inside with the door still open just to see what you are going to do.  I DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE GOING TO ACTUALLY WAIT UNTIL I CAME BACK OUT AND CLOSE THE DOOR TO PASS!!!!  But when I did come back out and you opened your window and called me an asshole and a piece of shit, and I’m not sure what finger was looking me right in the face but I’m pretty sure that it was one close to the middle of your hand.  Don’t tell me I have no respect, you just don’t know how to fucking drive.  You do not have to stay in that lane especially when the cars behind you are passing you.  I don’t know if you were proving a point or what you were doing, but you lost.  All told it ended up being a 5 minute delay in your day that didn’t need to be.  You, my friend, are an idiot.  And if I ever see your car coming down the street again I am going to open all the doors in the car and just sit outside with a six pack and watch you struggle to figure out what you’re next move is Einstein.  Truly, you are the dumbest person alive.  And I wish I could say it was a terrible woman driver but it wasn’t.  It was a guy in a wife beater in February.  Got to love my neighborhood.  A couple of my neighbors who realized I was messing with him did come outside and start laughing with me which started my day off great.  So, to the F 150 driver who drives down Montour street at around eight in the morning, you are truly the dumbest human being I have ever seen.  And you calling me an idiot is actually a complement because I can’t imagine someone doing something as stupid as what you just did this morning.  Please, please drive by tomorrow again as I put two trash cans in the middle of the road and a sign on them that says, “F 150s may not pa

Just because we hold the door for you.......

I am not very happy after my recent Wawa trip.  Always.... ALWAYS I hold the door for women when they are going in anywhere.  So today, I was about to walk into Wawa and saw that there were a couple girls about ten feet away.  So I opened the door and waited for them, they walked through and didn't say a word... no Thank you or Hello or anything.  At this point I just let it go and walk in to grab myself a Coca-Cola because everyone knows how much I love my Coca-Cola.  I pay for my soda and start to walk out and notice the girls I let in are walking right in front of me.  Fantastic I think to myself, they can make up for being assholes on the way in.  So I put my head down walking right behind them and get through the first door, thank you i say, and as I am getting to the second door I lift my head only to have it smash into the fucking door because apparently she thought maybe it was a good idea to just get out as fast as she could and let the door smack me in the face!  I stop to regain my composure and throw the door open with all my mite!  And as I am ready to yell at these girls for being typical, no mannered northeast brats I hear a bang.  While I let my emotions take over and swung the door open at 100mph it hit an older lady directly in her coffee holding arm and burnt the shit out of her.
          So I went from being a very nice guy to the biggest jerkoff in the world.  I started freaking out saying how sorry I was and trying to explain how "those girls were so obnoxious and slammed the door in my.... Oh yeh... right.... I am really sorry"  So I bought her another coffee and at the end of the day I am sure she never wants to see me again but was at least smiling when she left.
         This is all just a precursor to saying,"We always hold the door open for you ladies, can you please return the favor!"  Because I really don't want to break an old women's hip while flailing a door open to tell you how obnoxious you are.  Damn you to hell girls from Wawa, Damn you to hell.