Who toots in a crowded room

SBD.  It is 3 letters that have always scared all of us.  Usually if you hear this letters in this order, you move and you move quick.  But there are some times where you can not let anyone know that you were the one who just let that mistake take place.  In a room with your boss and your coworkers, in a room with priests and nuns (although I would blame the nuns), or just a really awkward trip on the elevator from the first floor to the 20th with the same people.  Everyone knows something that should not have happened has gone down and they try and just carry on with their lives.  They first realize that is an impossible feet to just carry on with their lives in this musk that is floating around watering peoples eyes and making them gag.  But you can not just act like everything is normal.  So i have figured out two methods to get away with this horrible act.  The first may not be "ethical" perse but it will stop anyone from questioning the smell for the rest of the time you have to spend together.  Simple as well, you just stand behind the prettiest girl in the room and wait until some people look back and point at her as if, "Listen, I am standing behind her and believe me, behind this pretty face is a gaseous stomach."  No one will ever question a pretty girl about a horrid smell.  The other fool proof plan is to just completely make people feel bad for you.  Let them know that you have had terrible stomach problems since you were a kid, apologize about what you have made them go through for the past 20 minutes and look so upset that they understand your pain because everyone has been in this situation.  Stories like, It takes me a lot longer to digest than a normal person or I have never understood why this always happens to me (sad face), I am so embarrassed.  So either blame the pretty girl, your boss or take it on the chin like a man.  It is not the worst thing that could happen.  The worst thing that could happen would be for it to happen on a first date.  In which case, while you are at the table with your date, you just stand up and yell, "YOU ARE DISGUSTING!  I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU COULDN'T HOLD THAT AND TAKE A TRIP TO THE BATHROOM!"  Which is when you leave the money for the food and run as fast as you can out of that restaurant.  Sure, you may hurt the girls feelings but you already blew it with your ass so you shouldn't even be worried about her being your soul mate at that point.  The only time you know it is okay is if a joke is made about it before you can even struggle to defend yourself (or the people you blamed), then just go along with it and laugh and laugh and laugh (while pointing to the pretty girl in front of you).  So now you know how to go about fixing this problem if it may ever happen to you (again).